A Fox's Tale
by floofbutt
Summary: AN AWARD WINNING FAN FIC Lemme tell ya.. Highschool is never easy. You wanna hear my story, bud? Take a seat and lend an ear, as I tell the tale of a romantic relationship, a heart breaking tragedy, and a murder most follow.
1. A Load of BS

Well, if you really wanna hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

In the first place, that kind of stuff bores me. It really does. Secondly, my parents were quite touchy. They probably wouldn't want me going into any personal details about them. Don't get me wrong, they're not emotional or any of that horseshit. They're just touchy. And that's the truth.

The names McCloud. Fox McCloud. If you give a damn, you'll remember it. Anywhoo, I'm not going to sit around here giving you my whole goddam autobiography here. That shit bores the hell outta me. I'll just tell you the goddam madman stuff that happened to me around Christmas when I was 16 years old.

It all started back in that goddam hellhole of a school: Cornerian Acadmey. My dad went there before me. That was before he died, but I won't go into that. I'm not in the mood. You need to be in the mood for that sort of thing. Any goddam way, I was at the Cornerian Academy around Christmas time.

There were never many girls at the academy. Just a buncha' goddam shit-faced jerks. Boy, I'll tell you. One look at a kid from the academy and you'd shit your pants. It was standard protocol to wear sweatpants. Sweatpants, for chrissake. Not even good sweatpants. They were all ratty and shit.

Anywhoo, like I was saying. I'm at the goddam academy and this jerk, Falco (Falco is a swell guy. Damn well likeable. Terrific personality.) he comes up to me. He actually runs up. I don't even know what the hell for. So I turn my head way the hell around and look him right in the eye. He stops running and almost shits himself. Right there. I swear to God.

So he stops and starts panting and inbetween his damn gasps he said: "Slippy's… fallen in… the goddam well!"

I whistled. "Holy shee-it."

"I know, for chrissake. The goddam well. He fell in. Damn near busted his ass." Falco gasped.

"Jesus Christ." I said.

"Goddam, Fox. Don't just stand there. Do something for chrissake!!" Falco shouted. I don't like it when people shout. Especially when they're asking you to do something or whatever. I was starting to hate Falco at this point. He had a lousy attitude today.

"For god sakes take a breath." I said, angrily. Falco sat down a damn bench right next to me. Then I heard a sound. Sounded like a goddam fart. All of a sudden I look down and I see Falco shitting all over the place. Must have been a goddam mountain of crap, just piled up on the floor.

"Why don't you scoop your goddam poop for chrissake?" I asked, disgusted. How the hell do people shit anyway? Does the shit just fall out their goddam ass or what?

"Sorry." Said Falco. I could see he was embarresed. I damn well felt sorry for him. "I'm just excited." He added sheepishly.

"We better rescue that goddam frog from the well, eh?" I said. Falco nodded, though I saw him turn pale. It was clear he didn't like the idea.

"Jesus Christ. You come to me asking for help, now you DON'T wanna help him?" I almost shouted that last part. Hell, I'll admit it. I did. I was so damn angry. I'll admit it. I was pissed. "Cut the goddam crap, you ass hole."

Falco just nodded. That's what I liked about him. He was a man of few damn words. I once knew a girl, Fara Phoenix. She had big ass boobs, but jesus Christ. She would never shut the fucking hell up. Lousy personality.

Anyway, eveantually I got that jackass Falco off the bench and down to the well. When we got there, we called for SLippy. The moment we did, we wished we hadn't. He start bawling his goddam ass off. Jesus Christ. You wouldn't have believed the racket he was making. I wanted to fuck him. I could feel my wang getting hard. I touched my crotch absent mindedly.

"What the hell?!" Falco shouted. Damn. I had accidentally touched his damned crotch. Any fucking way, we eveantually got the toad out of the goddam well. All his bones were busted, though. We were pretty sure he was gonna die, so we left him there. It was wrong to do. I have to admit it.


	2. Blue Chick

Anyway, I was walking across the goddam campus with Falco, then I just stopped and started tap dancing. Just for the hell of it. Falco watched me out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm a damn tap dancer." I said, working up a sweat. "I'm the goddam governor's son. He wants me to become a governor in his place, but I just wanna be a goddam tap dancer."

Falco laughed.

"The shows about to start in one hour, and Vesto, the tap dancer has gotten drunk as a bastard. He can't perform." I continued to dance. "So who do they call? Me. The goddam governor's son."

"Cut the shit, McCloud." Said Falco.

I did. I didn't even feel like it anymore, to tell you the truth. I don't have much wind. I really don't. I smoke a lot. That's the truth. I'm not even kidding.

Then this goddam kid came up to me and started punching me in the groin. He probably punched me there 50 million goddam times. I don't really give two shits.

Anyway, I finally laid him down right on hisback with my damn fist. Then I nodded to Falco and we started walking towards the goddam school.

Falco looked uneasy. "You gotta stop punching people, for chrissake." He shouted. "They're gonna flunk you out of the fucking school! And stop smoking!"

I had just lit a goddam cigarette. He put his goddam feathers over it and doused it out.

"Je-sus H. Christ!" I shouted. "Why he fucking hell would you do such a goddam shitting thing, you bastard?!"

Falco didn't answer. The bastard.

All of a sudden I started pissing in my pants. The reason for this is because that goddam girl, Krystal was walking past me. She's real stupid, and has a lousy personality. But she's hotter then hell. I'm very good with girls, I've had sex with just about every goddam girl on the campus.

This girl Krystal was different, though. She was new and she didn't seem much damn interested in going to bed with me. Like I said though, she's new. Probably doesn't know any goddam better.

"Hey Falco." I said. "Wanna get laid?"

Falco gave me a funny look. "I'm straight, for chrissake!" said.

"God dammit. Not with me, you fucking ass hole." I said. And I threw a punch at him. I wasn't a very good fighter, to tell you the truth. Probably on account of the fact I smoked so much and I'd broken my goddam hand on several occasions. So when I hit Falco, it probably didn't hurt nearly as much as I damn well would have liked it to. It just kinda snapped his ehad back and made his nose bleed, the bastard.

I didn't wait for him to retaliate, though. I shoved my foot right into his goddam penis and ran. He dropped to the ground and rolled around well I made my goddam get away.

I caught up with Krystal. She had these goddam reading glasses on and she was reading a book. I fucking hate reading glasses.

"Hey, babe." I said. "Wanna do a barrel roll over at my place, say, 9 o'clock tonight?"

She just kept walking. What a bitch. I pinched her ass, just to see what type of reaction I'd get. The bitch whipped around and slapped my face with the back of her hand.

"Listen!" she said, with her hands on her hips. "I hate guys like you! So popular, think that girls are just lining up to have sex with you! Who do you think you are??"

I smiled and said. "I'm the answer to your dreams, babe." I don't know where that line came from. Probably some goddam movie. But she obviously didn't give two shits for it, because she just turned and started walking the hell away.

So I got out this goddam little device that I'd nicked from the goddam doctor's office. This little device can remove someones goddam clothes. It was designed for when a doctor has to examine a patient, but the patient is too damn busted up to remove their clothing. So one goddam click, it beams the clothes off and stores them in some goddam time/space continuum until you click the damn button again. It was illegal for students to use, and if you were caught with one, you'd probably damn well get suspended. But I didn't give to shits, so I pointed it at Krystal and clicked it.

It got the goddam desired effect. All her clothes were beamed right off. She had a damn nice body. I have to admit it. She looked down at herself then turned towards me.

"Nice mugs!" I shouted, doubling up with laughter.

"If you are attempting to embarrass me, you will not succeed." She said, coolly. She knew I wanted to provoke a reaction, and the bitch refused to appease me.

"Aren't you going to scurry away?" I asked. "Make some futile attempt to cover yourself?" But she just turned around and kept walking. There's no goddam sport in that, so I clicked the damn button again and her clothes were beamed back on.

I watched her walk off for a few damn minutes. I couldn't understand the girl. And I'm usually a pretty good judge of character. I can tell the bastards from the bitches. But this girl.. She was different.


	3. Bustin' Tail

I started walking back to the goddam school. It seems like I'm always walking some damn place. I'd like to just sit for awhile, but I didn't feel like it. You have to feel like sitting if you're damn serious about it.

I was walking back to my dorm to check in on that bastard, Falco, when all of a sudden some damn jerk starts shouting at me. His name was Bill or something – I don't even remember– He's a god damn dog. Anyway, he starts yelling at me, and I just ask what the hell was up.

"You know damn well what's damn well up!" he shouted. He was turning purple. God, I hate purple. "You owe me fifty goddam dollars for that goddam motorbike you bought off me the other damn day!" I always owe him money. I hate his guts, the bastard.

"Calm the fuck down, bitch. You'll get your damn money." I said.

"NOW, DAMN IT!" He shouted, stamping his foot. "Everyone's mean to me! Even my goddam boss. He thinks he's a lot damn better then me. Just because he can afford damn white pants. All I got are these damn sweatpants. You know how that makes me damn well feel when he comes in wearing those goddam white pants of his? Like a bastard! Like a goddam bastard, that's what! Jesus Christ!"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Buy yourself some white pants then, for chrissake." I said, trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. Then I noticed he was crying.

That was the last damn straw. Normally, I don't like to fight. I'm a pacifist, if you must know. But this mother fucker was really starting to fucking annoy me. So I round-house kicked him in the nards. He dropped down on his knees, gasping for breath. I shoved my foot up his ass, and kicked his balls right off from the inside.

Then I turned and got the hell outta there for chrissake. The bastard was bawling his goddam head off, and I didn't wanna be around when they found the bitch.

I got back to my goddam dorm room and Falco was in there, holding a pack of ice on his ballsack. The bastard.

"I had to get four stitches on my goddam balls." He whined. "You kicked them so goddam hard."

"Shut the fuck up." I said. I didn't wanna hear the bitch whine. I really didn't. Then I got this goddam feeling. I think it's called like uh.. Déjà vu or some shit. Then I got this goddam feeling. I think it's called like uh.. Déjà vu or some shit.

Anyway, I felt like I'd been in the room before, and do you know why? Because I fucking had. It was my goddam dorm room, for chrissake.

Then this mother fucker named Wolf came barging in my goddam room. He looked really damn pissed. He picked me up and threw me against the wall. I swear to god, my back damn near busted. Then he stormed out of the goddam room.

"What the fucking shit was that all about?" Falco wanted to know.

"Nothing.." I grumbled. "None of your damn business." The truth is, Wolf O'Donnel is a real faggy bitch. He beats the hell outta me day and night. He's a goddam bully. I guess that best describes him. Though I hate to use the word "bully". Sounds so damn kiddy. Words with a "y" on the end of them generally do. I'm not even kidding.

Then the goddam bell rang, summoning us for dinner. I shit my pants right there. I felt that if I had any shit in my ass, I'd better get it the hell out BEFORE dinner, and by God I did.

Falco got up so he could go to dinner, but well he was walking towards the damn door, I pouned on him. Just for the hell of it. I started beating the living shit out of him. I really did.


	4. Marcus McFail

I wrestled Falco to the floor and started scratching his goddam back with my claws. He grabbed my leg with his damned hand and twisted it all the way around so that I did a goddam 360 in the air and landed on my ass. Then he got up and kicked me in the goddam face. I fell to the floor, grasping my goddam muzzle and howling with pain.

"You damn well deserved it!" Falco said, angrily. Though I could tell he was a little worried that he'd accidentally busted my skull or some damn thing. I wish he had.. The bastard.. "Fox?" he asked. I just kept laying facedown on the ground. "Fox, dammit. Get the hell up." After a few minutes he left, and I sat up. There was a helluva lotta blood on the goddam floor. I went to the damn can and washed my goddam face before heading downstairs.

There was a fuckload of people down there. Probably on account of the fact that it was goddam pizza night. They always had pizza on Friday nights. Probably so when the goddam students went home to their motherfucking parents for the weekend they could say "We had pizza for dinner."

I wasn't too fucking hungry when I came in, but my damned ears perked up when I saw that girl Krystal sitting down at a goddam table all by herself. On a sidenote, I fucking hate it when my ears perk up. Makes me look like a damn fool. Wish I didn't have ears, like that bastard Falco..

So where the fuck was I? Oh yeah. Krystal. She was sitting there eating dinner all by her damn self. I quickly thought of a damn good pickup line and casually strolled over. "Hey babe." I said, tapping her on the shoulder. "Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by you again?" Damn, was I good.

The bitch didn't seem to impressed, though. She just looked at me and said "Well, this isn't exactly the first time I've seen you. And if it was, I'd just keep walking if I were you." What the hell? Was that supposed to be some kinda goddam smart ass line? Girls aren't smart. They aren't meant to be, at elast. They're here to be fucked, and the ugly bitches are here to make the hot ones look sexier. Anyone who disagrees is probably an ugly bitch themself. I'm not even kidding.

Anyway, then it dawned on me that the bitch was probably just playing "hard-to-get" so I pulled up a goddam chair and took a seat. She just looked back down at some goddam book she was reading. Who reads well they eat, for chrissake?

"What're you readin'?" I asked, snatching the book from her hands. She just rolled her eyes. "_Lylatian Physiology_.. Jesus Christ.. You read this bull shit in your spare time?"

"I find it fascinating." She said, coldly, grabbing it back and tucking it out of reach. "Now would you mind? I'm eating here."

"Uh huh.." I said. "Can I see you naked again?"

Before she could respond, some damn ass jerk came up. His name was Marcus. I recognized him from the yearbook. He used to ice skate. Guys who iceskate tend to be flitty. I think he's kind of a flitty guy. He's got no balls, is what I mean to say. Anyway, this bastard comes up right when the conversation was gonna get interesting and he goes:

"Krystal? Krystal Burranetto? Is that you?"

Burranetto for Chrissake? What the fuck kinda name is that? The "Burranetto" bitch turned around and smiled.

"Marcus!" she beamed. "I didn't know you were attending Cornerian Academy, too!"

Marcus made some phony smile. I can always tell when someone is forcing a goddam smile. Jesus.

"How long's it been?" said the jerk. "14? 15 years? Ah, who's your friend here?" He pointed his goddam hand at me.

"He's—" Krystal began in an annoyed voice. I cut her off.

"I'm her goddam boyfriend." I said. I gave him the finger. "Fuck off."

Marcus looked shocked. Krystal turned slightly pink with embarresment. "It's—it's not like that!" she said.

"Uhm.. Yeah. Maybe I'll see you around some other time, Krystal. Nice talking to you." He said. Then the goddam phony walked off. Nice talking to you? Damn proof that he's a phony. Right there, dammit.

Krystal whipped around and glared at me for a few seconds. It looked like she was trying to think up another msart ass remark. Then she just picked up a goddam glass of water and threw it in my goddam face. Then she got up and walked away. She's a crazy bitch. I swear to god.


	5. Showering

I came back up the goddam stairs. I wasn't in the mood for any more crazy-bitch food going down my fucking throat. So I beat it. I got the hell outta there. That's the truth.

When I got back into my room I saw Falco putting on MY goddam leather jacket.

"Just what the fucking hell do you think you're doing?" I demanded. He looked up at me. He was chewing half a goddam bagel in his mouth. The greedy bastard..

"Oh hey Foxy." He said, zipping up the goddam coat. "I got a date tonight. Thought I'd borrow your jacket."

"Jesus Christ. Don't stretch the goddam sleeves." He was more muscular then me. I have to admit it, he was. So when he put on my goddam jacket he did stretch the goddam sleeves. I wasn't just shooting crap there.

"I won't." he said. He was, though. The lieing bastard.

"Who's your date with? That sexy pink cat?" I asked, smirking like a goddam bastard. Falco scoffed.

"Fuck no!" he rolled his eyes. "That old cow? Puh-leez. I dumped her ass weeks ago. I'm goin' out with Fara."

"Fara?" I asked, my eyes widening. "You sonuvvabitch.." He knew damn well enough that I'd had sex with Fara before. The bastard. I wanted to punch him right in the ass.

"Hey could you do me a favor?" he asked. Son of a bitch. Always asking for favors. He yawned "If you could just write a composition paper for me well I'm gone, see, I won't have time to write it. It's due Monday and all." I hate it when people yawn. Especially when they're asking for your help. Pretending like he's doing you a big favor by letting you help him.. The damned mother fucker..

"Why the hell are you askin' me?" I said, as I walked over to my bed and sat down on it. "I'm the one flunking out of this fucking school. Have you seen my goddam grades?"

Falco shrugged. "It doesn't have to be good. It just has to be about the goddam G diffusors on the N class arwings, for chrissake." Falco walked over to the men's lockerroom. I followed.

"Why don't you ask Slippy? He's the fucking engineering wiz."

"Slippy's probably dead by now. We left him at the fucking well, remember?" said Falco. He began to comb his feathers back. Stupid bitch. Always combing his feathers back. Falco basically lived in front of the goddam mirror. So damn full of himself.

We got to the men's lockerroom. Once inside we took off our clothes and stepped into the showers. There was no goddam privacy in that lockerroom. The shower stalls had no fucking curtains, so you had to stand infront of your classmates bare ass naked. I felt like a goddam faggot.

"So you gonna write that composition paper or what?" Falco asked, as he rubbed soap under his goddam arm pits.

"Fuck, man. I dunno. If I damn well feel like it, maybe." I grunted. Then the most crazy bitch thing happened. This one fucker, a lizard named Leon, he came into the goddam lockerroom and stole all our mother fucking clothes. Leon is one of Wolf's fucking cronies, and he's flitty. I'm sure of it. The gay perv.

Falco groaned. "Oh for fuck sake… Now we gotta walk back to the dormroom naked." At this point he turned aroung, exposing his bare ass. I thought about it for a minute, then decided to kick his ass. Just for the hell of it. So I winded up my foot and kicked right up the ass. He fell face down on the goddam locker room floor. And lemme tell you, I beat it. I got outta the goddam room as fast as I could. I didn't even realize I was naked until I was halfway down the hall.

I looked left and right. No one was in the goddam hallway, for chrissake. Good. I tip toed up to the goddam elevator and clicked a button. A few moments later the doors slid open and I walked in. No one was in. I was lucky. I was so nervous, though, I felt like I was gonna pee. I admit it, I piss when I'm nervous. I tried to hold It in, though.

Suddenly the elevator stopped and the fucking doors slid open. And do you know who the fuck was standing right there? Krystal.


End file.
